Naruto's Absolute Madness
by The Taijutsu Specialist
Summary: A story of absolute madness and randomness where nothing is as it should be and the border between sane and madness is crossed. Do not expect this story to make sense, it's sole purpose is to be stupid and funny. If you have no sense of humor, don't read!


The following is the beginning of a random writing from years ago. No, not kidding, I wrote this years ago off the top of my head when I was thinking very weird things. No, I wasn't doing drugs or drinking anything around that time! I had random ideas running through my mind and decided to type them out and see what I come up with, that's all there was to it! I swear!

Anyways, I got to spend the entire day with me, myself, and I and decided to look over all the stories I'd written and ended up coming across this, and that's when a story for this random idea came to my mind. So now I submit to you all this prologue that was written years ago, proof-read and free of all errors I could find so it actually looks like something you could present to an English teacher and not get smacked for your poor spelling and grammar. You'd still get smacked, but not for that.

Where were we? Oh yeah, this is just a short prologue, and for now that's all you get. If you like it, review it and add it to your alerts. The time period is sometime after the time skip.

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Prologue: Madness Begins**_

**Warning: Those of you with weak constitutions may want to leave the arena**

Naruto woke up his usual way. He stretched his arms way up as he let out a big yawn. He scratched at his head, but something seemed off. He could actually feel his head instead of his usual sleeping cap. He just shrugged it off, convincing himself he just forgot it before he went off to bed.

But it was strange, he'd never forgotten it before. Naruto couldn't help but think something was wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Naruto tried rolling out of bed but found himself unable to. Something soft and warm seemed to prevent him. He looked up and figured it out.

"Oh, Hinata, it's you."

Naruto rolled out of bed on the other side and walked to his drawer to change clothes and-

"HINATA?"

Hinata awoke to Naruto's shouting but she just sat up in his bed, smiling, blushing, and covering herself with his sheets. Naruto then began to spit nonsense.

"I... but wha... how in the... but you always... and I..." Then he looked down, and blushed very red as he covered himself with his hands. "Why am I naked?"

"Aren't you glad we hooked up at Kiba-kun's party?" Hinata asked with an innocent tone. Naruto just looked at her, then thought long and hard. He hit himself on the head multiple times, and even slammed his head into the wall some. Then it finally came to him.

"Oh yeah... Kiba practically forced alcohol down my throat at his party celebrating his new Jonin rank..." Naruto just looked down, then he began to smell smoke. "Wait... if Hinata's in there, then..."

"Oh, you're awake, Naruto-kun. I was just making your breakfast cause I woke up early." Spoke a familiar voice. Naruto turned in horror as Sasuke, wearing nothing but a back-less apron and a giant smile on his face, came around the corner.

_'Thank God he's not wearing that backwards...'_ Naruto first thought, then before he could respond, Sasuke spoke up again.

"Aren't you glad we hooked up at Kiba's party?"

"You too?" Naruto shouted. Without missing a beat, Naruto ran straight into his shower and began scrubbing his whole body until he started bleeding all over from scrubbing too hard.

_'Dammit! Get a hold of yourself, Naruto... It can't be as bad as it looks... I mean, Hinata's pretty good looking... and Sasuke... no way he's gay... right? He didn't touch me... right?'_ Just thinking these thoughts Naruto started scrubbing even harder.

When Naruto finally got out of the shower, his body all red from the scrubbing and healed from the Nine-Tailed Fox's powers, he put on his orange and black outfit and raced out the door before Hinata or Sasuke or whoever else might be hiding in his apartment tried to talk to him.

But even then, trouble just kept arising...

"Oiy, Naruto!"

_'Oh great, here comes the next one...'_ Thought Naruto as Kakashi appeared in front of him.

"So, did you remember to buy them, Naruto?" Kakashi asked. Naruto just gave Kakashi a confused look, one Kakashi has seen all too often. He scratched his head at Kakashi and tilted it to the side.

"You can't keep dodging the bullet, one day you'll accidentally have a child and it's all because you didn't protect yourself."

"OH!" Naruto exclaimed as a light finally went on in his head. "Are you still going on about that, Kakashi-sensei? I told you, I'm not doing that stuff!" Naruto yelled at Kakashi.

"Then why did I see you and Hinata and Sasuke leaving to your place late last night?" Kakashi asked. Naruto quickly looked away. He was telling the truth, he wasn't doing anything like Kakashi was assuming. Well... as far as he could remember...

"Yeah, umm... about that, Kakashi-sensei... About Sasuke... what exactly do you do when you train Sasuke? I mean, is it actual jutsu training, or..." Naruto drifted off without finishing, hoping Kakashi would catch on to what he was asking without actually having to say it.

"Yes? Go ahead, what do you want to know?" Kakashi asked

"Well... do you-" Naruto started when he was interrupted by another familiar male voice.

"Kakashi-kun, where are you? Aren't you ready?" Yelled out the voice.

"Oh, sorry, Naruto, I've got to go." Spoke Kakashi, and his only visible eye seemed to turn to happiness as he turned around and disappeared. "Coming, Asuma-kun!"

_'And I was wondering where Sasuke got it from...'_ Thought Naruto as he just looked on in annoyance. But as he was getting ready to go find Tsunade to talk to her, Sakura came running at him, red in the face and arms open wide. She yelled "Naruto-kun!" as she locked her lips with his and tackled him to the ground. '_Weird things like this have been going on for the last two weeks now... why?'

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_Well, here we are. A few short minutes and your brains are already be fried? Before you go to get them looked at, review and add. Come on, you can do it! 2+2 can't become 4 if you don't add!

Seriously, please review and add to your alerts if you liked it and if you'd like to see more. I'd like to think that other people will laugh as hard as I did when I read this today.


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